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And you pray everyday for the pain to go away but it never did ♥


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Have you ever regretted anything?
I don't know honestly. I used to. But then someone told me, I shouldn't regret everything cause at that moment, it's exactly what I wanted.
But now I'm asking you, have you ever regretted knowing me? Regretted the memories? Regretted the friendship?
Friends for life? True friends? As time passes, they seem so impossible to have. In a world like this? Nothing lasts.
You don't destroy the people you love.
Why am I pushing you away? Why?
I ask myself that so many times but the only answer is that I'm so used to this. I'm not used to letting anyone in. I'm just not. I'll try & find flaws so I'd have a reason to not let you in.
  I'm selfish. Yes I know I am. I'm sorry..
It's just that everyone who promised again & again they'll be there, left. Everyone who I let in, went against me. And honestly? I'm not prepared. I'm scare to feel that pain again.
When I'm hurt, the pain isn't just mentally. It's physically. I don't fucking know why but there's this sharp pain going through my body. Why?
You wish you know someone that can understand you.
Have you ever feel so lonely? 
Yes. It just feels like I can never tell anyone my problems. The urges to cut. The voices screaming at me, laughing at me, mocking me.
Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be happy? Why?
The scars that fill my body. Every white line. I can remember the blood, the pain.
I bleed.  




















They say they wouldn't leave
But they still did



What wouldn't I give to turn back time?
 
If I knew this happened, I'd cherish my times with you. I took you for granted. I thought you were never gna leave.
 
I don't know if your blog is talking bout me. I don't know if you still bother reading this. I don't know..
 
But I just wna tell you that you would always be my best friend, the girl who always listen to my bullshit, the girl who was there when no one else would be, the girl who I fucking love so damn much.

And no matter what, I'd always take you back. Cause you mean too much to me. The memories & everything. I'd never forget 'em

Don't forget, you're important to someone no matter how many times you screw up. And that someone is me.

They say they wouldn't leave
But they still did


Friday, March 22, 2013

I wonder if he reads my blog, would he ever look at me the same way?

 Nah... Maybe that's why you left, left the person you said you would always be there for, left the person you claim you love, left the person when she needed you the most.

No, you didn't even give me a goodbye text. You just left. I was dumb enough to try to talk to you again. Only to get a goodbye text.

Have you ever thought how much it killed me to lost you? To lost someone who knows me so well? Have you ever thought that it killed me to see you at school every single time? Have you ever thought that I've to avoid you cause I don't want to have eye contact?

Yknow, sometimes I wonder if you ever miss the past. I wonder if you ever look back & think of me & the memories we had. I wonder so damn many things. 

To think that i can still breakdown thinking of you. I miss you. I still do.

I miss our friendship so much. 

But I bet you don't, I bet you don't think of me, I bet you forgotten me.

I wonder which part of me you fell for.

I mean, just look at me.

I'm not some pretty girl, I've scars, ugly scars all over my leg. My personality? It's the worse part of me.

Tell me, love, what did you fell for? No, do you even know what you fell for? What kind of person I truly am?

Just a monster who opens her skin.

I don't understand sometimes. How could you fall for someone like me?

I'm scare, no terrified, that one day, you'll think I'm not good enough & just leave. I don't want to think of the pain. Of all the cuts I would make.

Now I can't ever let you read this. If you read this, you're just gna pity me & just choose not to break up with me.

To be honest, I don't deserve you. I'm not worthy enough for you to love me. I'm not good enough. Never fucking was.

I'm so sorry.. I knew, I just, I can't break up with you. I know I'm selfish.. I'm so sorry.

Wouldn't it be better for you if you never knew me? 

They say they wouldn't leave
But they still did


Monday, March 11, 2013

Soo.. I'm finally blogging.

I haven't been cutting in ages. I've stopped it.

I don't know why I'm blogging actually. I wonder if you still views my blog. I wish you still care sometimes. But, you're a million times better without me. To you, I'm still worthless pierce of crap. No matter how many times you said that you cared, that you'd never leave me, you still did.

I always wish that I could turn back time, then maybe I'd cherish you more. But then.. Things would be a whole lot different now right? 

I remember when you used to care, I remember when you were my best friend. I remember those surprise gifts from you. I remember those sweet messages. I remember every damn bloody thing. But the question is, do you remember everything? Do you?

Are you happy now, without me, sweetheart?

  'I'll always be here for you.'

Bull fucking shit. Everyone who says this, all fucking left. Like I was fucking worthless. Oh wait, I am. (:

Everyone left, just promise me you won't.

I remember last year & all the time I thought of suicide. What if I had done it? Then I'd probably never meet you. So I don't regret it. I don't regret not killing myself.
But.. If you looked at my body, I probably won't be good enough for you. Scars all over my thigh. Big ugly scars. Some faded to small white lines.

I'd probably never be good enough for you. You're too good, baby.. I don't deserve you but I'm that selfish to not push you away..

But I don't deserve to be happy.

They say they wouldn't leave
But they still did


Cheryl Baby'Piglet ♥

Don't underestimate the amount of pain someone must be in to drag a blade across their skin
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal
Love leaves a memory no one can steal

13March2013
The Past ♥

May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
October 2013
November 2013