Thatonegirl♥

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I've given up on everyone & everything.

I'm really not gna care.

The person I care bout & love the most didn't even bother bout me. It's my dad though. All he cares bout is mummy. He's not even willing to give 30 mins of his time to me. Not even 30 mins.

That's what I'm worth. That's what I'm worth to everyone. Ohwell, that's what everyone is gna mean to me now. Nothing too.

Completely nothing too. Cause I don't care anymore.

Tell me, what's the point? When no one cares too?

I'm not living, I'm existing.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

How many times have the past haunted you? Followed you?

Everyone tried to forget the bad stuff, the bad memories. But they're always the ones who haunt you, who follows you.

We can't hide from all the bad memories, the torturing past. No, we can't. Because it's gna be there forever. It's gna haunt us forever.

We might forget bout it a while. But it'll always come back when we least expect it to. We might be happy, but those memories, that past will always be there. We'll never ever be able to forget it, be able to get past it.

Everyone keeps saying once you get past the past, everything will be okay. But no. It's not gna be. Everything might be okay. But you, you're not gna be okay. You're gna spend every night relieving yourself of the past. You're gna think bout 'em at the most random moments.

You think you know your worse enemy? No. Do you know who it is? It's you. It's yourself. YOU are the one bringing yourself down. YOU are the one making yourself insecure. YOU are the one making yourself cry, sad. YOU are gna be the one who destroy yourself. YOU are gna be the one torturing yourself.

Deny it all you want. But think, people might call you names but who's the one making 'emselves care? Who's the one walking down memory lane & making 'emselves cry? It's YOU.

Oh hon, you think you hate me? Wait till you realize how much I hate myself.

I hate myself for everything I did. I hate myself for how I look. I hate myself for being so useless, so worthless.

Don't go telling me I'm not worthless. DON'T. Because I am. If I'm not, then people would stay right? People would care right? But no one does.

People keep asking me to cheer up & all, but do you think it's so easy? Do you think I enjoy being sad? No. Who does?

You trigger yourself to give yourself a reason to cut.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Good. My blog views are getting lesser.

This blog spot gna be a short one. Cause I can't really think of much to post.

There's a lot.. But I don't know. There's only 1 main thing.

No one ever bothers staying in my life.

I hate it. Everyone I know has left my life at least once. And I don't like it.

I used to have Wayne. He was well.. My guy best friend. We would meet up. And have fun. But I did a huge mistake. Hmm.. Why didn't I just have feelings for him?

There is someone else but.. We never had feelings for each other. Never. We were just like super close friends. He'd tell me things he never should have. And I would too. I trusted him..

And everytime he sees me moody on twitter, he would come comfort me. But I don't know.. Things change so much.

I remember I love to vent anger on him. & I'm not even joking. I love to. He'd always just ignore it & let me vent.

I really have nothing much to say cause I know I'll end up crying again.

Why am I never someone's first choice? Why?

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I wish you'd understand how much you actually mean to me.

Sometimes I think people leave b'cuz we don't tell 'em how much they mean to us, we don't tell 'em how important they're.

I think it's my fault that I lost so many people. I tend to get irritated easily & I like to ignore people. So they must have thought I don't care bout 'em.

I don't know.. I know I drifted from a lot of people but I really don't even bother.

I mean, if you want to leave, I'll let you. What can I do? What rights do I've to make you stay in my life? I mean, it's your choice. And I can't do anything much.

So many people leave. I wonder if they ever look back & think bout me & the memories I shared with 'em.

Cause I do look back. I do still care.

ZhiKai called me ytd. & I realise I might still have feelings for Andy, I won't ever be tgt with him again cause all feelings have faded.

Okay, not all. But 99%. Haha. Sometimes, I really wna leave S'pore. I mean, my parents wna migrate to Australia. Honestly? I wouldn't mind anymore.. There's really nothing much for me to stay here for.

I'd just be a loner there & ignore everyone.. That would be me, I guess.

I can't imagine how life would be there. But maybe, just maybe, it'd be a lot better.

I've been forcing myself to not have feelings for anyone.

Well, I think I succeeded. I mean, I really wouldn't care anymore. I told myself again & again to not ever put someone as important. And I think I succeeded. Cause I don't like it, I don't like giving someone the power to hurt me. Not anymore. I'm not gna give that power to anyone.

How many people are actually pretending to be happy?

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I don't understand the point of making friendships when nothing last.

What's the point? What's the point of making efforts? What's the point of even caring? When nothing matters, when you don't matter to that person.

It's hurting me so badly. I'm gna force myself to block out all these feelings, all these thoughts..

I really really wna cut. But I haven't done it in so long.. But I'm dying to. I want to, so badly. I want the be distracted from all these emotional pain. I'm so hurt. I'm so depressed. Just kill me.

Honestly, if I die tonight in my sleep, I wouldn't mind. Because there's nothing for me to live for. Nothing.

And it's hurting more than ever.

When you need someone & no one is there, no one. You look for someone but there's still no one.. No one... It's hurting badly...

Please just let me die in my sleep tonight. I wouldn't mind. No more suffering, no more pain. it's just hurting so damn much now...

It's hurting really so so badly... I don't know how to describe it. I mean, my eyes are just stinging now. My eyes hurt. I can't do this anymore. No more. I'm sorry people. But please, it's hurting too too badly.

And I'm gna release all this pain by the only way I know.

I was never good enough for anyone. I never meant anything to people. I'm always drifting from people. It hurts so badly. Honestly, I just wna forget bout everything & die now. Forget it all. (:

Why aren't I good enough? Why is everyone else good enough? Why?

Forget it all okay. I'm dying. Seriously. Just let me die in my sleep alr. I'm so miserable here.

I finally let my feelings come to me. Everything is just wrong. Everyone's wrong. They said, it'll be better. But it only got worse.

One day, I'll be gone & none of you will even notice.

Nothing matters, I don't, no one does. Goodbye.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Think I'm gna change my URL & not tell anyone this time. Serious.

What's the point of even telling anyone? No one cares. And I'd feel better blogging too. Maybe I'd just private this blog. (:

Friendships? Oh. I gave up on that.

Gna force myself to not care bout anyone anymore. Cause caring means getting hurt. And Idw to get hurt anymore. Gna stop caring bout everyone. I'm sorry.

Maybe I'd become a major bitch. But I don't care. Idw to go back the same path ever again,

I hate flashbacks. They hurt so so much.

I sleep beside my sister. So I've to cry silently to sleep every freaking day. It hurts so much...

Honestly, I don't feel like blogging anymore. It used to be able to take away the stress. But it isn't now. Cutting keeps creeping into my mind. And I can't stop thinking bout it.... I can't.

What for care bout people? They don't care. Why do you?

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Sunday, October 14, 2012

No one freaking cares. Serious.

Was sad today.. Moody. But as usual, I couldn't tell anyone. I had no one to tell. I had no one there for me. As usual. I'm so used to comforting myself alr.

'You guys used to be so close. Why now not close alr?'

I don't know. I don't know what happened. Everytime I look at you, I'm sad.. Please never forget me (:

Forget it. I can't type more without revealing who they're. Lol.

Worthless like this.

I don't understand how yolo come by. I mean.... what... So it means you can bully people? So it means you can laugh at people?

Buried under the ground, you choose to care now.

Why wait till someone is dead to care? It's not just Amanda Todd. It's many many teenagers committing suicide these days. Cause of being bullied. She's just the one of the many that got noticed.

You guys are all gna care for a while before all the bullying starts again.

isn't that the facts? What happened to Kony2012? You guys cared for a while before totally forgetting bout it. Do you think it's really over? Well, I doubt so.

Maybe one day I should create a video like that. Haha. (Y) And die. (Y) No one would care.

I honestly have nothing to say anymore. So forget it.

One day, this will all be over. One day, you'll be dead.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Friday, October 12, 2012

I wrote an entire blog post but it got deleted so forget it. lol. Shall post it tmrw I guess. Maybe.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

My blog keeps getting views when it's suppose to be less than what, 3. What's going on.

Had 10 views yesterday. Who's the stalkers, man.

History today.

I'm scare. I wna take history next year. Like really. ): But I'm afraid i won't get the grades.. I don't mind taking geog but still, I prefer history

I don't understand what she've that I don't.

People don't understand what causes eating disorder.

It's the most torturing thing in the world. After being called fat & stuff from so many people, you want to lose weight. Your body will not feel hungry & you'll eat lesser.

But.. After a while, your body starts rejecting your abnormal meal times & get hungry a lot of times. You'll have to deal with the hunger.

And if you eat something, if you eat more than usual, you'd blame yourself. That voice in your head.. Well it never stops.

It's like a constant battle between food & yourself. Between the hunger & the desire to be thin. Between the voice & your body.

People should stop judging because it aren't cool.

1. Real Name: Cheryl Lim Xuan Yi

2. Nickname(s): Don't have one.

3. Date of Birth: 5 July 2012

4. Male or Female: Female.

5. Elementary School: PAP?

7. High School: Ngee Ann Sec

8. College: Haven't gone to one

9. Original hair colour: Red brown

10. Tall or Short: Short.

11. slacks or Jeans: Jeans.

12. Phone or Camera: Phone

13. Health freak: Nah

14. Orange or Apple: Apple

15. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes.

17. Broken Bones: Nope

18. Pepsi or Coke: Coke

HAVE YOU EVER?

19. Been in an airplane: Yup

20. Been in a relationship: Yes

21. Been in a car accident: Nope

22. Been in a fight: Yes

23. First broken bone: Haven't

24. Best friends: Myself

25. First award: Track & field p1 100m

26. First crush: Can't remember

27. First words: Don't know

29. Last person you texted: Shanya

30. Last person you talked to: Sister

31. Last person you watched a movie with: Daniella?

32. Last food you ate: Oreo cheesecake

33. Last movie you watched: Idk

34. Last song you listened to: Someone I Once Knew

35. Last thing you bought: Noodles

FAVORITE

37. Food: Chicken

38. Drink: Green Tea

39. Bottoms: Whattheshit

40. Flowers: Roses <3

41. Animal: Dogs

42. Color: Pink

43. Movie: I don't know

44. Subject: Maths

HAVE YOU EVER: (Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [x] fallen in love with someone.

46. [] celebrated Halloween.

47. [x] Had your heart broken..

48. [x] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.

49. [x] had someone like you

51. [] got pregnant.

52. [] had an abortion.

53. [x] did something I regret.

54. [x] broke a promise.

55. [x] hide a secret.

56. [x] pretended to be happy.

57. [x] met someone who changed your life

58. [x] pretended to be sick

59. [x] left the country

60. [] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.

61. [x] cried over a little thing.

62. [x] ran a mile.

63. [x] went to the beach with your best friend.

64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.

65. [x] fight someone

66. [] stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: Nothing

68. Drinking: Iced water

69. Listening to: Tv show

70. Sitting/Laying: Sitting

71. Plans for today: Revise science

72. Waiting for: A chance with you (:

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids: Yes

74. Want to get married: Yea

75. Career: Yes

76. Lips or eyes: Eyes

77. Shorter or Taller: Taller

78. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic

81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

82. Looks or personality: Personality

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes

84. Snuck out of a house: Yup

85. Held a knife for self defense: Penknife?

86. Killed somebody: Nope

87. Broken someone's heart: Yes...

89. Cried when someone died: Never been to a funeral

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: No..

91. Miracles: Yes

92. Love at first sight: Nope

93. Heaven: Yes

94. Santa Clause: Nope

95. Aliens: No

96. Ghosts: Don't believe.

97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now? : Yes..

98. Do you know who your real friends are: Maybe I do

99. Do you believe in God: Yes

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did