Thatonegirl♥

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I was going through my pictures. And, I saw the messages folder.

I used to take screenshots of sweet messages & I saw your's.

Do you still read my blog? Cause I know I still do. I miss you. Remember forever & always? We promised each other that. What happened?

It saddens me that what I've always say to myself end up coming true. People always leave. I just never expected you to be one of 'em.. One of 'em to walk out of my life.

It hurts so badly. It hurts that whatever friendship we ever had, is gone. Just like you. And all I really have in the end is just the memories. They're the only thing that ever stays huh?

I wonder if it's hurting you like it's hurting me. I wonder if you ever think of me or the friendship we ever had. I wonder if you ever look back & think 'damn I miss her'. Sometimes, I want to send a text to you but I backspace it instead. Cause you, you said goodbye to me. You, you're gone forever.

It hurts so badly to walk down memory lane & think bout you. It hurts so damn badly that you'd never miss me. Never think of me. It hurts so badly my best friend is gone. Just like that.

Do you know how much that hurt me? Have you ever thought of that? I know you've. Actually, what hurts the most is that you seem perfectly fine without me.

It hurts me everyday to think bout you. That the person who I thought who never leave, left. Left like I was nothing, I was worthless.

I miss you. That's all I can say.

Walking down memory lane, breaking down halfway.

'Maybe, I'll be the one & only that will stay. I've no one in my heart alr. But will you still trust me?'

And I realize, once you love someone, truly love someone, you'll always trust the person. I mean, even after they hurt you 1827301287328 times, you'll always love 'em.

You wish over & over again that you can change things. But at that moment, it was exactly what you wanted.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Thursday, December 20, 2012

'Don't fuck with her feelings, bro.'

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of feeling anything. I'm afraid to love. I'm afraid to lose. I'm afraid to be happy. I'm afraid to be excited. Cause all this happy feelings? They'll all be gone before I know it. They'll all be gone before I can cherish the feeling.

Happy? Yeah. I do smile & laugh. I do. But it's like once I'm all alone, the thoughts come to haunt me again. It scares me. Day & night of what I'd eventually do to myself. Honestly.

I'm afraid of trusting others. I'm afraid of getting my hopes up. I'm afraid of expectations. Cause all of this will end up hurting me. I mean, if you don't trust people. How will they hurt you? If you don't get your hopes up, if you don't expect, how do you get disappointed? You won't.

I wish I'm as pretty as her. But I guess I'll never be.

I never thought I'd fell in love with someone who'd treat me like I'm a second option, the second choice. Yes, I've never been the first choice. But still..

I never thought I'd fell so deeply. You, my dear, stolen my heart. If you don't keep it properly, can you please return it?

I remember this conver.

'Why you cannot forget him?'

'He stole my heart. Dw give me back.'

'He alr give back. You just refuse to take it.'

Damn. That hurt. I love reading old convers on Facebook. It makes me laugh at how childish I used to be. But then, childish means being happy right? It means not being able to worry bout a single thing right? Then I wna be childish.

I remember someone telling me this

'I'll take care of your heart in a glass box like Cinderella's glass shoes. I'll not let it break. I won't even let a single dirt on it.'

So what happened? You choose another girl over me (:

How many times have I trust someone with my heart, how many times have I love someone only to get hurt in return? Uncountable.

Even when she smiles, you can see the sadness in her eyes.

I wonder who still view my blog. Cause I remember giving this url to only a few people. But when I check the stats everytime, it'll increase. Why?

Hahaha. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

The only reason why I haven't change my blog is cause I still have this hope in me that you still read it. That you still care. That one day, I'd receive a message from your blog too..

Cause I've convinced myself no one cares & no one ever will.

You asked me if I regret not choosing you over him.

Let me tell you, I don't regret it. Cause him? He's everything I ever wanted. He might not be the best looking, might not be the best boyfriend, might not be the nicest, might not be the best but trust me, he's a lot better than you. And my heart has choosen him. Not you. So, too bad. And eff off alr.

You aren't anything like him.

You? You're a petty, jealous, childish boy. You'll never be able to compare to him no matter how good you look. Hell, you don't even look that good. You might have girls looking at you all the time. But damn, I doubt so. I think you're just claiming it yourself.

Cause I don't regret choosing him. He's everything I ever wanted

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

I would love to know how it feels like to be the first choice & not an option, a second choice.

To be honest, I don't remember a time when I was someone's first choice. I'm always the second choice. Hell, sometimes, I'm not even the second. I'm like 12038274802 choice. Hahaha.

When people need me, I exist. When they don't, they just dump me aside. Throw me aside.

And everytime I think of you, I get so hurt.

I wish, you'd choose me over her. I really really wish that. But like we both know, it's never gna happen. Never.

I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not sexy enough. Not nice enough. Everything.

I hate daydreaming. It makes me wish for things that's never gna happen. Like seriously.

I might not be the prettiest girl.

Damn Vic, that hurt..

'You love him but does he?'

'No... He prob doesn't. No, I know he doesn't....'

'So why are you still here? Why do you still love him?'

'Can you stop love? Can you force your feelings to go away? No.'

I miss being happy. I miss hyper-ing everyday. I miss never worrying bout something. I miss not having sadness in my eyes.

Cause once something's gone, it's gone forever.

Do I regret knowing you? No. I never will.

Even if you gave me happiness for a few days. Even if you choose to leave me soon. I'll never regret it.

Honestly.. I wish I'm pretty. Cause looks are everything to people. Like seriously.

'You're pretty. Like really really pretty.'

'No I'm not. If I am, I'd gotten everything I want. I'd have plenty of friends. Cause all people care bout is looks.'

The mirror do lie. It doesn't show you what's inside.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did

Saturday, December 8, 2012

She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries?

Prob no. Even if they did, they prob didn't care.

Okay, so gna be a loner next year. I'm gna enjoy being a loner. Totally.

Trusting someone, loving someone, that only makes you weak.

It gives '/em the power to hurt you. And I never wna give someone that power. Ever again.

Why have you never thought of my feelings? Why.. Why did you left me?

Worthless like this.

Do you know how much that tweet killed me? Do you know?!

I was okay, I was hurt but I wasn't crying. When I saw that tweet, I just broke down.

You, my dear, were my best friend. The most important person to me at one point.

To know you could know hated me.. Woah. It hurt, damn it really did.

Everyone leaves. No matter what.

They say they wouldn't leave

But they still did