Okay. Changed blog url.

It's not that I don't trust Rachel. But it's that, after all this backstabbing & stuff, obviously I'd get scared

Plus, I can't really blog with her. So yea. I'm sorry Rachel.

Cut. One long thin cut. The longest one's for you, Wayne. I don't know.

Honestly? Can someone just tell me what I'm doing wrong? Why is it that everyone else can leave me so easily? Am I that worthless?

I don't understand how someone can decide someone is no longer important to 'em & just leave 'em hanging like that. I honestly don't. Explain to me?

I mean, that person was like someone you go out with a lot of times. & all of a sudden, cause of rumors, you decide to leave her? Without any explanation?

Wayne, was it that easy? Am I that worthless? Am I not worth a explanation?

Wayne has been a good friend, my guy best friend in fact. How can someone just choose to leave someone? How can someone just decide someone else is no longer important within seconds? How?

Wayne, you told me you'd be there for me. When I was crying cause of him, you were there. But I guess, forget it huh.

Remember dedicating 'drive by' to me? Remember all the texts? Remember all the memories?

After all this while, I'm still not worth a explanation? I don't know. People leave me all the time. Sometimes, I get so used to it. But you? I trusted you. Really. Despite Daniella's advice for me. Maybe, we should have never talked, never texted.

People leave all the time, you just gotta get used to it.

Oh but that one night is still the highlight. I didn't need you until I came to and I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell 'cuz I really fell for you. Oh I swear to you, I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by.

Well. I just gotta accept reality. I lost another friend. Goodbye, Wayne. (:

We're just friends. forever.

I hate it. I hate myself. I really do. I don't know. I find myself stupid. I don't know. I'm so confused now. I wna cut. Or drink. But Seraphina's coming to my house soon. Well, just gotta wait till she leave. Before I drown in my thoughts.

Maybe, one day, if I managed to get through all of this, I'll look back & laugh at myself for being so silly. Maybe.

Kymberly's right. Life's a gamble. I lost so much. Now, I'm scared to meet another friend, to trust someone else again. Cause I'm kinda afraid. I'd end up losing 'em again.

Do you know how painful it is for me? To accept reality? To believe I lost a good friend? To believe I'm not even worth an explanation on why you left?

Wayne, you know I cut. You know it better than anyone else. You, of all people, left me without even an explanation. What are you? The same as Wengkit? Trying to make my life hell? Well, if you're. All I can tell you now is you've succeeded. As in, really.

I feel like I'm drifting from Syed & Dingxiang too. I feel like I'm drifting from everyone that it hurts so badly. It's okay.

No one understands the pain I'm in. No one will ever understand.