Now I understand why people laugh, make fun of others who cut

They say cutters are attention seekers. But do they know how it feels? To be afraid of yourself, your thoughts. No. It's scary. If you fucking don't feel what cutters do, don't make fun. All those thoughts. It's scaring 'em more than anyone else. To know, one day, unknowingly, a cut will be too deep, & that may end up killing the cutters.

People who make fun of cutters should all just burn in hell. Yknow why cutters cut? Cause others can hurt you, as badly as they want, you don't know when it will happen. But when you cut, well, only you yourself know when to stop, to start. You're in control of that pain. No one else.

How you'd feel? To be the one slipping slowly into depression? To know that no one cares? To know no matter how much cuts there is, you've to wake up the next day. For every cut, there's a story untold. Every scar, a battle we won. The battle of committing suicide or not.

There's others, who cuts. & you never know who cuts. For all you know, that girl smiling so beautifully could have scars somewhere on her body. If cutters ever tell you they cut, it just means they trust you a lot. But no, they don't tell you everytime. Cutters cut at places they think no one will see. Yea.

I don't blame anyone who caused me to cut, it aren't their fault. It'd mine. For not being as strong as they thought I am. Yes, I stopped. But somehow, I'm afraid, I'd fall back into the old ways. I don't want to. Maybe I haven't. Cause there's been nothing hurtful enough. But I'm afraid. Cause I know, something that will hurt me so badly is coming soon. That day.. Cuts will appear once again. & I promise everyone, this time, they will be hidden so well, no one will know.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a freak. I don't know... Driving me crazy.

Just told Athens my blog. Don't know I did the right thing. I don't know. This blog like what, filled with crazy stuff. What if... He'd really thinks I'm a freak just like everyone else? I'm scared. I lost enough people. I'm trying my best, to keep everyone I love in my life. Syed, Dingxiang, Isabel 'em, Daniella, Shanya, Rachel, everyone. I'm done losing people.