Moody again.

He knows... He knows it alr. Now, he's gna avoid me. I'm gna lose him. I'm scared. Idon'tknow. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid. The urge. Fuckmylife.

I promised myself, I'd never fall for someone else. Other than Andy. Cause love hurts so much. Yea, I'm sorry. I broke that promise.

I wish Andy would just appear in front of me again, let all my feelings go back to him, so I don't have to deal with him, deal with all this feelings with him. Andy, him, nothing in common. Andy.. Why did you let me go? Why did you leave me alone to face this? If you didn't let me go, I would have never fell for him.

Andy Loh, why did you have to leave me alone? Why did you let me face all this alone? Didn't you promised to always be there for me? Why did you let me fall for him? Why did you not fight for me? Why did you let me go? Why did you not care anymore?

'Are you crying?'

'I don't know'

'Are you cutting?'

'I don't know.'

-silence-

'Why?'

That 'why' made me cry even more. The pain I hear in it. The voice you said in it, the tone. Everything. It drove me crazy. I lost you.

'Why do you cut yourself?'

'Cause it's to distract me from the mental pain'

'Why you so dumb?'

'I don't know'

'Stop. Stop cutting. Promise me'

'Okay. I promise'

I broke it. For a few times alr. I miss you, Andy. Come back to me. I don't want to fall for him. He doesn't even care, he don't even care....

'if we ever break up, you've to find someone better than you, okay?'

'No. I want you. Only you.'

'Don't be stubborn dear'

I lied. Now, I want him. But this is hurting me so much. Babyboy, you should be mine now. You should have never let me go. Now look where I am. I'm here struggling between life & death.

'I love you muchmuch'

'I love you too darling'

What happened? Just what happened? Why am I alone now? Why? It's been one year since I met you. What happened, Andy? Just tell me, what happened..

'Find someone to replace me'

I can't. You're special. Even after liking him, I still miss you yknow? You always know when I'm moody, when I'm sad. You'd listen to my problems without judging. Where have you gone to?

The day you left me. The day I slipped into depression. The nights I spend thinking of you. The nights I spend cutting. The nights I spend crying myself to sleep.

Andy, I finally love someone else. Are you happy? For me? Are you? Do you miss me? Do you still love me? Have you ever think of me? Are you happy now? Do you have a new girlfriend? Is there someone to replace me?

No one cares. If I cut or not, if I cry or not. Perhaps they do, now. But they will get tired of caring. Everyone does.

I'm sorry. I failed everyone. I failed myself. I failed you. I tried killing myself. I died mentally again & again. I cut myself. I starve myself. I'm sorry. I'm sucha freak. I'm sorry I'm hopeless. I'm sorry I can't eat normally. I'm sorry I'm so insecure. I'm sorry for everything I say or do. I'm sorry to exist. I'm sorry to be me. I'm sorry....