I finally understand why I cut. Because others hurt me & for once, I wna be in control. When cutting, I can choose, when the pain end & starts. But well, when others hurt me, I can't choose.

& I realise why I cut myself with Junie 'em but I'm not cutting myself now. Okay, not like recently, I guess. Cause with Junie 'em, honestly, I don't even smile. And well, they don't care. I remember trying to confide in Yongmei once, telling her I feel left out. She told me, everyone feels left out at times. I guess she's right.

Okay, continuing. With 'em, I don't feel anything. No care, no love, not even a real smile. Sometimes, laughter. But it never lasts

With Isabel, Syed 'em, Athens, Daniella, esp 2r2, they make me feel like at least someone cares. Someone feels for me. Get what I mean?

They never hurt me or ever tried to hurt me. Which is why I'm always happy with all of 'em. Smiling, laughing. It feels like I'm being myself again: It feels so free.

I don't know... I honestly don't. Sometimes, it feels like I'm so used to pain, I feel no pain at all. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'm too tired alr.

I told him. I cut. He didn't say anything. Just said I was crazy. Perhaps I am. I mean, I scare myself. Don't i? My thoughts. They kill me.