Currently at Tampines. Feel like I'm wearing the wrong thing. Idk. Maybe, I'm slutty. I just don't know it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm always doing the wrong thing. Wish I can go home & change.

Maybe, people don't know me. Maybe, I'm just acting like someone else. Maybe, I'm just a freak. Maybe, I'm just slutty. I don't know.

I'm envy of happy people. Who have completely no reason to ever cut. Who aren't addicted to this shit. Who don't know how it feels to be afraid of their own thoughts, their ownselves. Happy people have always been lucky. They are being protected. They don't know how cruel this world is. They don't know how it just feels like. Completely no reason to cut 'emselves... I want that.

It just takes one cut. One cut to have you addicted. Feel like you need to cut. Why did I even started this. I shouldn't have picked up that penknife in the first place. Regretful. But I guess, what's done is done. At least... I haven't died. But that scar... That scar's never gna leave me. Maybe, it's a reminder to me that I should never cut again. Perhaps?

People who cut aren't cowardly. It's the people who give 'em the reason to do so.

To pick up that penknife, cut yourself, you must have felt a lot of pain. & that day, everything just explode. You don't know what to do anymore. That penknife sitting on the floor becomes so seductive. I've never expected myself to be one of 'em. Blood.. It used to scares me. Especially when it's my own. But now... Unknowingly, 40, 50 cuts appear. But at least, they aren't so deep. At least I stopped. For once.

If I can, I'd stopped everyone I love if they ever think of cutting. I'd take away the pain, the sadness in 'em. Cutting aren't funny. It's scary. They will get addicted...

What's the point alr. That scar's gna be there forever, right. There's nothing I can ever do anymore. I can only wish that scar will disappear one day.

Perhaps, if people know this. Know I'm suicidal, no one will love. Everyone will think I'm a freak. I don't know. No one loves a suicidal girl, right. I break promises all the time. But I did try. To be good enough. Be pretty enough. Skinny enough. It never works. No matter how hard I try, there'd be someone. Someone who'd pull me down. Again.

How hard is it to be happy. I just want to be happy. To be carefree.

I'm afraid of loving anyone alr. Everyone I love always end up leaving me. What if, one day, I just stopped. Stopped loving everyone. So I'd never be able to lose something that'd affect me. But that will turn me into a major bitch, right?

Sometimes, I don't understand life. It makes people lose their loved ones. It tortures people. It makes fun of people. Bring 'em to the people I love & just bring me away... Perhaps. I don't know. Life's this way. I don't understand it most of the time. But I can't leave everyone just cause I'm scared to live alr. Right? That's dumb.

I want to be as strong as Daniella. I want to be like her. But I can't. I'm weak. I just cries all the time. Over him. Over Shanya. I'm always crying.

You're mine, in my dreams, boy.