Cried in class. Brokedown like some fucker.
I was okay.. Then I heard your voice. & I can't stop crying. Raynold saw.. He saw me looking at you then look away trying to hide my tears.
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't exist. Why am I even here. I'm just a mistake.
Slept a lot today. Woke up, cry then go back to sleep.
I wanted to rant to you.. But it's okay. I finally understand. You don't care.
Yesterday de rant? It's my last one to you or anyone else.
I woke up, saw all my texts and cried again.
I wanted to text you, to tell you everything, but you didn't reply.. I waited for 50 mins, before deciding to sleep again.
I heard the voices again. Screaming to me that I'm worthless, I'm a failure. When I close my eyes, I saw the words forming.
I did it again. In school. I couldn't take it. 1 for Syed, 1 for Dingxiang, 1 for him, 1 for Shanya, 8 for the subjects I fail to get A, 1 for pe.
I'm a failure. I think of pe. I can never ever do anything right.
It's okay. Andy, I'd never play bball in my life again.. Cause a girl like me, how to play?
Wengkit saw me cry.. He told Wayne.
'Wayne, you don't know Cheryl at all. Trust me, I know her much much more than you'
Ohreally, Wengkit? I'm sorry, but I doubt you know me at all. What, I've never rant to you before, in my life. & trust me, I rant to only the people I trust. You? I've never trust you. How can you possibly know me better than Wayne?
I hate feeling like no one cares.
I'm sorry, lover. I'm so so sorry. But you don't understand. I need that penknife to be close to me. I need to feel it. The blade, the crystals. I don't know why I broke down. But I was afraid. So afraid I'd lose the thing that has always been there for me. I'm afraid of what might happen without that penknife. I'm sorry. I didn't choose it over you. But, I need it. I really do. I wanted to pass the penknife to Athens. But.. He didn't asked for it. So it's okay. I'll just keep it. I was stressed today. I got back my results & I did really badly. I hate myself for being sucha failure okay? And I was so stressed over 'em. Over everything. Over him. I couldn't take it anymore. I died mentally. I broke down. I need my penknife. With it, I wouldn't cry. You don't understand. But trust me, if I had to really choose between both, I'd choose it. & you should know it yourself.
The urge comes back once in a while to haunt me.
I'm sorry, I'm always bothering you. I'm sorry that I know you don't care yet I had to rant to you. I'm sorry I fell for you. I'm sorry I'm sucha failure. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I'm sucha freak. I don't know why you'd even talk to me or text me. But, you're too nice to tell me in my face that I'm annoying. It's okay. I understand that. I should stop texting you. But I'm too selfish. Idw to lose you. Idw to lose another good friend. I've lost too much. I'm too scared that I'd lose you like how I lost so many others. I'm sorry I'm so selfish. I'm just afraid of what I'd do if I lose you. You mean so much to me.. You don't understand. The thought of losing you just bring tears to my eyes. I'm serious.
Maybe, I'm never worth anything to anyone. Maybe all of this is a lie. Maybe I'm dreaming & I'd wake up finding myself all alone.
I'm sorry, Syed. I didn't mean anything. I'm sorry Dingxiang mean so much more to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not a good friend. Please, don't talk to me anymore. I no longer deserve this friendship. I'm so sorry things end up like this. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to do anything. I'm so sorry I helped you & Dingxiang be friends again. I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry I interfere for no reason. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. But thanks for all the memories. Thanks for always being there. I'm so sorry I'm not able to help you anymore. I'm so sorry. But if we're still friends, I'd blame myself all day. I'm so sorry I'm so selfish. I'm so sorry.. Goodbye.
& I'm gna lose everyone I love.
I'm sorry, Isabel. I'm sorry to make you so worried. I know you're doing it for my good. I know. But like what I've said, I can't do it.. I can't survive without it. I am so so sorry but iloveyou.
So much blood lost
I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry for being in sucha bad mood these days. I'm so sorry. I know you love me most. I'm so sorry I'm not eating regularly anymore. I'm so sorry I'm no longer that daughter you used to knew. I'm so sorry I let us drift. I'm so sorry for everything that ever happen. I'm so sorry for quarreling with mummy practically everyday. I'm so sorry I've been hurting you so much till you had to see a counselor. I'm so sorry... I'm a failure as a daughter. I'm sorry my results are so bad. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you. I'm sorry I did so badly. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve sucha good father like you. I'm so sorry I didn't dared to pick up my courage & ask you bout your back. I'm so sorry my pride got better of me. I'm so sorry I cut myself. I'm so sorry I'm sucha failure. I'm so sorry, daddy. I really am... I'm sorry you ever got a daughter like me. I'm sorry to ever exist. I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry to spend so much of your money. I'm sorry for not being considerate. I'm sorry. Iloveyou, daddy. I do..
I feel sorry for my parents to have a daughter like me.
'who're the only ones who stayed by your side when your boyfriend dumps you?
who're the only ones who stayed by your side when your best girl friends bitch about you?
who're the only ones who stayed by your side when you're having a damn bad outbreak and don't feel like going out of your house?
who're the only ones who stayed by your side when you fuck things up real bad and everyone else hates you?
who're the only ones who will bring you to the doctor in the middle of the night when you're running a high fever?
who're the only ones who will buy food back for you and leave it on the table for you to eat later on, even when you don't speak to them at home at all?
who're the only ones who love you without complaints though you bitch about them like fuck on twitter?'
