11.11s never come true. But I really want that to happen. I really do. Honestly, I think birthday wishes come true more. Maybe? Mine did.

Next day :

'i love you:('

Andy, do you remember this? Do you? I do.... I miss you so badly. Not to brag or anything, but I honestly think, if we're still together, we'd last till now. I'm serious. It'd be one year plus..

I don't know if I'd accept if you ask me for patch..

The past :

'What if he asks you for patch?'

'Accept la'

Now :

'What if he asks you for patch?'

'I don't know.. I like someone else'

I've to admit, I still like you Andy. Although others say, I don't like you anymore, I just miss you. But I don't know. 3/10 nights, I think of you. I think of the past.

I blame the school. I do. Why can't they just let us live our lives? Being together isn't fucking affecting our studies. Okay, maybe it is. But for a couple who ignored you, who still be together. Shouldn't you let 'em have a shot? Shouldn't you let 'em try?

I wanted to make up for what I did to him. I wanted to make up for hurting him. I wasn't given a chance at all...

Sometimes, I think of the times I was with him. I miss him. I really do.. I miss having someone who cares & loves me & is mine. I do.. I remember being purely happy with him. I didn't cared bout anyone or anything. Okay, except Shanya.

But still.. I was still moody. But he'd knew, in a minute. He did. He cared. He'd cheer me up. I never thought of cutting. I remembering telling him : 'Why do people cut? Doesn't it hurt? Shouldn't they solve the problem instead of cutting? Shouldn't they tell someone?'

Now? I'm one of 'em.

If the school didn't break us up, I wouldn't fall for him. I wouldn't be in this state. I wouldn't...

I ranted to Athens today. After I did, I didn't feel better at all.. I went into the room & did it again. Cried again. I guess, I'm that weak.

After this, I doubt I'm ever gna tell anyone anymore.. No one cares. Plus, I rant it to Daniella & Shanya before.

That's why I never let anyone see my cuts anymore.

I wna stop cutting.. I really do. I wna tell people I love confidently 'I've stop'

On Monday, I'll do it. I'll pass my penknife to Athens. I'll live without my penknife for one day. Just once. Even if it's for one day. I should do it, shouldn't I? Then my days without cutting on my blog will finally turn 1.

Just saw Daniella's blog..

I'm sorry, Daniella. I'm so so sorry. I can't be her. I can't ever replace her, I know that. But I want to tell you, i love you. & I'll never ever leave you. I'll be here for you. The reason why I'm passing my penknife to Athens was for you too. I'm gna be strong for you. I'm gna tell you bravely one day, that I've stop. I'm gna prove to you & myself that I can do it. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for always listening to me. I promise you, our friendship will never end. Do you believe me? I'll never break that promise. I'll never stop trying to continue our friendship. Never ever. Even if you did. I'll always be here for you. I'll always love you.